Things Said in the Dark
by HelloMyDarling
Summary: Set after the end of Mockingjay. Haymitch tells Katniss how his feelings for her developed over time.


I laid curled in bed and stared out the window into the inky blackness. I didn't want to go to sleep until he came home. I refused to give in to my bodys need for sleep. The clock on the bedside table ticked the minutes away. My eyelids fluttered closed and I lost the battle against myself and fell into a deep sleep.

I was awoken by someone trying but failing to come up the stairs quietly. I heard a loud thud followed by, "Who the hell put this chair here?" I covered my mouth to prevent any laughter from coming out. The bedroom door opened suddenly and slammed against the wall.

"Oh shit. She is going to kill me." Haymitch said out loud to himself.

At this point I almost could not contain my laughter. I watched as Haymitch made his way to the bed and sat on the edge. He took off his shoes and socks. Haymitch sat there for a while, staring blankly into space.

He shook his head as if to clear it and stood up unsteadly. I was surprised that Haymitch hadn't noticed I was awake by now. Haymitch walked around the room with no purpose and I watched entertained as he muttered to himself.

He came over to the bed and knelt in front of my face. I closed my eyes so he would think I was sleeping. I felt his hand gently brush my hair away from my face. He cupped my cheek briefly and dropped his hand away.

"The first time I saw you was at the reaping. You had just volunteered for your sister and I thought to myself, 'Wow she is stupid but brave.' At the beginning I admired you. Then on the train when you slammed that knife into the table I saw something of myself in you." He murmured, thinking I was sleeping.

He sighed quietly and continued, "I don't know when it started but I fell in love with you. Watching you in the arena was unbearable. I hoped that you would live and safely return home. Of course that was to much to hope for. After the games you had started a wildfire and you didn't even realize it. People protested and shouted for a change."

Haymitch grew quiet for a while and I thought maybe he had forgotten what he was talking about. Then he drew in a deep breath and I realized that he was getting emotional. Haymitch being close to tears was a rare thing, it almost never happened.

"I sent you back into the arena a year later and I wanted so much to be with you. Yet Peeta wanted to go in and I couldn't argue with him. The second time was worse than the first. I drank more heavily during that time. After you were taken to District 13, I watched you rise up to become the Mockingjay. You are so strong and brave. I demanded to be with you in anyway I could. Hovering over you in the safety of the plane was not my idea of me being close to you but for the time being it was enough."

At this point he stopped again and this time the silence was extended. I had a feeling that he must have started to cry and I wanted to hug him. But if I did that then he would know I was awake and probably be angry with me for letting him spill out all his emotions. Both Haymitch and I could only talk about how we truly felt like this.

Letting the darkness shallow our words and purify them into what we really meant. Secrets told at two in the morning were more speical and truthful than secrets told during the day. As much as I hated to admit it sometimes, Haymitch and I were the same.

"After we came home and Peeta locked himself in his house, unable to tell reality from fiction. I thought I had lost you. You just sat in your chair staring into space and only moving to eat or use the bathroom. You were so...empty. Then you slowly but surely came back. After that night you spent at my house, I somehow knew that you loved me to. Katniss, what I wanted to say all this time is that I love you with every fiber of my being. I cannot imagine a world without your fire. I also want to say thank you for bringing light and purpose to my lfe again. I love you, sweetheart."

I felt him kiss my forehead and get up from his spot on the floor. I could not believe that Haymitch just poured his soul out to me. He was a strong man that came up with a cool and sarcastic replies to everything. Yet he just said all of that and he meant every single word.

Haymitch came to his side of the bed and laid down. A few seconds later he rolled to his side and wrapped his arms around me. I felt safe within the confines of his arms. He was my protector and my saving grace.

I gently lifted his hand to my mouth and I kissed it. He kissed my neck and pulled me closer to him. I took a deep breath in and let it out.

"I love you, Haymitch Abernathy." I quietly said to the stars outside the window.

I felt him inhale sharply. This was the first time I ever said, I love you, to him. He let out a sigh and I could tell he was smiling. Not his sarcarstic smile but a real one.

"I know, sweetheart." He replied.


End file.
